About Bob

I want to be able to help you. What’s the point of accumulating skills and knowledge and ideas if those things aren’t put into the service of others? Still, it seems to be obligatory that there be an About page on any site, and it seems that this is one of the first places that new visitors go, and I don’t want to disappoint my guests, so I have to have something here.

Writing autobiographically is hard. How does one talk about themselves without sounding vapid and self-important? But it’s got to be punchy and entertaining and interesting. Self-promotion and autobiography doesn’t come easily to me, since I’d much rather be either working to help others get things done, or doing things myself. Still, I don’t want people to be disappointed when they come to my site and find a blank page.

So, for the time being, this text fixes at least the blank page and gives you something to see here. And it gives you a few mini-facts about me. For the time being, let’s just eschew punchy for true, okay?

  • I lent my voice to the comedy track “The Tribulations of Muffy and Percival” on rapper MC Frontalot’s CD, Zero Day. The whole thing is star-studded from front to back, if by stars you mean the fireflies and lesser luminaries of the nerdcore hip-hop sub-genre. I am proud and gobsmacked to play even the tiniest part in it (which I do).
  • I have, over the past year’s span, lost roughly 30 pounds. The toughest part has been changing my thinky, thinky head. Now, only 25 more to go.
  • There is also a CD floating about recorded by a group that I had some hand in, Hard Time’s Dubious Relics of a Bygone Age. I’m the one that sings like a subwoofer. It used to be available online, but it seems that outlet is down for reconfiguration. Still, you can listen to samples there.
  • I’ve written the first draft of a novel entitled, The Raggedy Man. It’s about an insane, homeless man who can see fairies. They recruit him to work for them retrieving the stolen essence of Christmas. It may have a subtitle, but doesn’t yet — except when it does.
  • I am a self-help book junkie. My latest treatments have been effective though, in that I evangelize much less and I put things into action much more.
  • I successfully completed a blacksmith training intensive at Bear Path Forge under the instruction of James Joyce, blacksmith. I enjoy the sound and the heat and the work of blacksmithing and hardly flinch if I get hit by hot scale. I preferred working with a Swedish hammer.
  • Before I started working with technology, I had spent five years as a short order cook. Thanks to that experience, I can now make something from almost any set of ingredients, though I’m nowhere near “Chopped”-worthy.
  • I have performed as William Shakespeare at Renaissance Faires and corporate parties and at trade shows. I have a hairline that was made to portray Shakespeare. I still have three sonnets memorized and parts of several others and what passes for biographic knowledge of his life.
  • I performed for a week at LA’s Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, as part of the LA Light Opera’s Youth Conservatory. Got to meet musical theater legend John Raitt (today better known for being Bonnie Raitt’s father) and William Katt (of Greatest American Hero fame).
  • I have this horrible block in my memory: I can’t remember the difference between an n-dash and an em-dash. I have to look up proper usage every time. And I just don’t care enough about typography to prioritize its correct usage on this site. File decent typography in the “coming soon” part of the site and there it shall languish.
  • I upgraded over 7000 laptops over the course of four weeks in six different locations, successfully meeting the expectations of lack of disruption to the exacting management consultants of Ernst & Young (now Capgemini). We upgraded RAM, repaired broken pieces, upgraded operating systems, and upgraded user network operating environment. That felt so good when it was done.
  • Every morning, I write at least 750 words over at 750words.com. It’s become a habit that I’ve managed to keep up for more than 200 days now. I’ve written over 250,000 words, though many of them happen to be “I,” “don’t,” and “know.”

See, lots of diverse experiences — and those are just the ones that stand out while I’m tired — putting it all into a narrative that doesn’t sound like I’m bragging and won’t be boring to you is a matter of wrestling with my ego-angel. I’m sure you understand. But I didn’t want to leave you hanging without anything here. I’m sure you understand that too.

I hope that this serves for the time being.